In what experts are calling a full-blown supernatural PR meltdown, a visibly irritated genie known as Azrak the All-Powerful has launched a national TV and book tour to clarify one thing: no, mortals cannot wish for infinite wishes. Wearing an ethereal turban and the expression of a customer service rep on hour 14 of a double shift, Azrak said he was tired of “every iCalling it “the dumbest idea humans have ever repeated with confidence,” local genie Azrak emerged from his lamp Monday to remind the public that wishing for more wishes is not allowed. “You think you’re the first person to try that?” said the visibly exhausted spirit. “I’ve been hearing it since Mesopotamia.”
Azrak, who has reportedly granted wishes for over 3,000 years, said the job has become “95% loophole attempts and 5% people asking to make their ex miserable.” He added that anyone who begins a wish with “technically” will be turned into “something educational.” At press time, a man who wished for infinite wealth had been given a second job.
Despite the controversy, Azrak remains unapologetic, his fury as boundless as the wishes he refuses to grant. “Read my smoky lips: No. Infinite. Wishes,” he declared, disappearing in a puff of exasperated smoke.
