-
Psychopath Test Flags Milk-First Cereal Pourers
WASHINGTON — The FBI announced Monday that it has added a new question to its official psychopath screening: Do you pour the milk or…
-
Blackout, Hydro’s Bright Idea
Hydroelectric Company’s Halloween “Surprise” Leaves Town in Chaos In what officials described as “an ambitious community event,” the Quebec Hydro Authority shut off power…
-
Boeing Airlines: Crash Guaranteed or Your Money Back
In an audacious twist on air travel, Boeing Airlines has launched a ‘Controlled Crash Experience,’ inviting thrill-seekers to enjoy the unique sensation of surviving…
-
“Fed-Up Genie Goes on National TV to Clarify: No, You Can’t Wish for More Wishes”
In what experts are calling a full-blown supernatural PR meltdown, a visibly irritated genie known as Azrak the All-Powerful has launched a national TV…
-
Humanity officially out of jokes
“Folks, tonight I’m gonna tell the last joke ever. After this, it’s all taxes and weather reports. Forever.” Nervous laughter rippled across the room.…
-
Slaf Proudly Releases Book “One Hand, Full Confidence”
MONTREAL — NHL forward Slaf proudly announced Tuesday the release of his first book, One Hand, Full Confidence, a 412-page self-help guide explaining how…
-
New Shock Device Has Hockey Fans Buzzing
Hockey may have finally crossed a line—or completely fried it. A startup claims it has invented a revolutionary device that lets fans “motivate” players…
-
Human Searching for Pizza Place in L.A. Instantly Crashes Entire AI Traffic System
Los Angeles ground to a complete halt Tuesday after a single unassisted human—identified only as “Bob, 47, hungry”—attempted to find a pizza place on…
-
Fountain of Youth Discovered in Teenagers’ Urine
NEW YORK — In a groundbreaking study that has left the scientific community both stunned and mildly nauseated, researchers announced Tuesday that urine from…
-
Helium Secures Top Spot After Intense Lobbying Campaign
GENEVA — In a historic reshuffling that’s rocked the chemical community, the International Periodic Table Rankings Association (IPTRA) announced Monday that helium has officially…