Science & Technology
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Human Searching for Pizza Place in L.A. Instantly Crashes Entire AI Traffic System
Los Angeles ground to a complete halt Tuesday after a single unassisted human—identified only as “Bob, 47, hungry”—attempted to find a pizza place on his…
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Fountain of Youth Discovered in Teenagers’ Urine
Researchers say the discovery could transform longevity science, despite several obvious obstacles.
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Helium Secures Top Spot After Intense Lobbying Campaign
GENEVA, FROM A WINDOW LEDGE ABOVE THE CONFERENCE HALL — After months of lobbying, advertising and private meetings with chemistry officials, helium has officially overtaken…
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God Turns to AI: “I Know Everything, Just Not All at Once”
Heaven has quietly integrated artificial intelligence into divine operations, with God Himself acknowledging its usefulness. “Of course I know everything,” He said. “But sometimes, when…
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PETAV: “Vegetables Have Rights Too!”
In a move nobody asked for, the newest radical advocacy group, PETAV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and Vegetables), stormed the dietary ethics…
