Heaven has quietly integrated artificial intelligence into divine operations, with God Himself acknowledging its usefulness. “Of course I know everything,” He said. “But sometimes, when someone asks about a long-extinct fungus from the Carboniferous period, I take a beat. That’s when I let the algorithm chime in. It’s not cheating—just efficient delegation.” Asked if this was a sign of slowing down, He added, “I invented eternity. But that doesn’t mean I have to rush.”
Angels say God’s still firmly in charge, though occasionally startled by how quickly systems like ChatGPT produce answers. “He’ll say, ‘Oh, you already have that?’ and squint at the screen for a while,” said Gabriel. According to several sources, He’s been overheard grumbling about interface changes and asking younger cherubs to “make it look like it did before.”
While the celestial team assures the public all prayers are still heard, some believers report unexpected outcomes. “I asked for clarity in my life and got a 14-page document on Stoicism,” said one. Still, archangels maintain God’s methods remain divine—just modernized. “Look,” said Michael, “the universe has a lot of moving parts. Delegating to AI doesn’t make Him any less omniscient. It just means He occasionally appreciates a second opinion.”
