In an audacious twist on air travel, Boeing Airlines has launched a ‘Controlled Crash Experience,’ inviting thrill-seekers to enjoy the unique sensation of surviving a plane crash.
Bandaged and bruised, but grinning from ear to ear, the Smith family shared their rave reviews from hospital beds. “Best vacation ever! The kids were bored with Disneyland, but this? They’ll need therapy for years!” exclaimed Mr. Smith, his arm in a sling. Fellow passenger Jane Doe, nursing a concussion, gushed, “Landing safely is so 2020. It’s like a rollercoaster, but with real danger. I can’t wait to forget this so I can do it again!”
The CEO of Boeing, speaking over the sound of ambulance sirens, emphasized the experience’s safety: “We’ve got a team of Hollywood stunt coordinators and a fleet of slightly defective planes. It’s chaos perfection!” he shouted.
Not everyone is on board with Boeing’s revolutionary approach to travel. Retired pilot Harold Jenkins, who spent 40 years avoiding crashes, voiced his concerns: “It’s disrespectful to the noble art of emergency landings. We trained for decades to not do this.” Meanwhile, travel influencer @JetSetJess has criticized the experience not for its danger, but for its lack of Wi-Fi during the descent: “I couldn’t livestream my own crash. That’s just bad branding.”
Despite public outrage, legal experts confirm the Controlled Crash Experience is technically lawful, thanks to a loophole involving maritime law, two emotional support ferrets, and a notarized dare. Insurance companies, meanwhile, have responded by crafting a 1,042-page liability waiver printed exclusively in Latin and sarcasm, which passengers must sign blindfolded before takeoff.
Next up for Boeing: mid-air collisions.
