In an unexpected twist in the world of dietary ethics, a new activist group, PETAV (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals and Vegetables), has emerged, advocating for the rights of not just animals but vegetables too. “It’s all about acknowledging sentience in all living things. Plants have life, DNA, and most likely consciousness,” declares PETAV spokesperson Fern Greenleaf at their inaugural rally. Armed with leaflets and a fervor for flora, PETAV members can be seen passionately shaming local grocers and bewildered passersby alike. “How can you munch on that carrot with a clear conscience?” a PETAV member berates a confused shopper, who thought they were making an ethical choice.
This radical stance has left many in a dietary dilemma. “So, what are we supposed to eat now?” asks a perplexed local vegan, staring forlornly at their salad. PETAV’s answer? A diet of rocks, sand, and naturally deceased wood. “These are the truly guilt-free options,” Greenleaf explains, showcasing a bowl of aesthetically arranged pebbles. “They’re sustainable, ethical, and, most importantly, not sentient.” This extreme approach has garnered a niche following, with some dedicated PETAV members posting their rock-based recipes online. “You haven’t lived until you’ve tried my granite granola,” boasts one such enthusiast, crunching away.
However, not everyone is on board with PETAV’s revolutionary ideas. “Next, they’ll be saying we can’t drink water because it’s fish’s home,” mutters an elderly man as he suspiciously eyes a PETAV leaflet. Meanwhile, scientists are scratching their heads over PETAV’s claims of plant consciousness, though they appreciate the sudden interest in botany. Despite the skepticism, PETAV remains undeterred, their slogan “Justice for Junipers, Rights for Radishes!” ringing out as they march towards a future where salads are seen as savage, and a pebble platter is the pinnacle of ethical eating.
